Wednesday, October 21, 2015

THE LOVE DARE PART 4... DAYS 1499-1509

Day 31 – Love and Marriage

Today’s dare was to take a “leaving” issue that you have issues with and confess it to your spouse then resolve to make it better.

I totally didn’t understand what a “leaving” issue was.

Genesis 2:24 inspired me to knowledge.
It states: “A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

Light bulb.

I do have “leaving” issues, for several reasons.

The first being that I was 25 when I got married.
I had kind of given up hope.
I was considered somewhat of an outcast in my religion and at church.
No one, without major issues gets married at 25 in my religion.
Most of my friends, who were my age, had already been married for years and had at least 2 kids, if not more.
I was embarrassed.
I felt totally judged.
Not cool.

But because I was older when I got married, my Dad was everything to me.
He was my example.
He was the guy in my life.

It’s hard to let go of 25 years of that.

It has been a subject that Spencer and I have often discussed.
It’s a subject that we have often argued about.

But it is also something that I have been constantly working on.
I know how important it is to Spencer to feel as though he is the man in my life.
Well… Besides my Benson.
I know how important it is to Spencer to feel as though I come to him first.

So I have rededicated myself to this commitment and it’s something that I want to continue working on and to perfect.

This dare was on point for me.

Day 32 – Love Meets Sexual Needs

Today’s dare was to try to initiate sex with your partner in a way that honors what your spouse has told you that they need sexually.

Not going to go into detail on this one.

But consider it accomplished.

Day 33 – Love Completes Each Other

Today’s dare is to recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let your spouse know that you need their perspective and counsel.

This dare included my asking Spencer for forgiveness because I haven’t always done this.

For so long I made decisions on my own and for myself.
I didn’t need to ask for permission for anything,
And sometimes I still forget that.

I know that Spencer is my future and is so incredibly important to making our future the best that it can be.

I know that I am a strong stubborn woman,
But I also know that if I think that I can do things without my husband,
That this will lead to a failed marriage.

I need to make sure that I am reaching out to him and including him in my daily life.

It’s not an easy thing for me to do, but I know that it’s something that I can do
And more importantly, it’s something that I should do.

Day 34 – Love Celebrates Godliness

Today’s dare was to commend my spouse for a time when they demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way.

Spencer does this often.
More often than I think he even realizes.

I choose to recognize his willingness to help others.

There is a guy in one of his groups in one of his classes who lives, with his wife and their 7 year old, in a 500 square foot, 1 bedroom house.
Besides going to school full time he also works two jobs to sustain his family.
This guy never complains and is willing to help others as much as he can.

Spencer decided that he wanted us to invite them to a nice dinner and to pay for everything.
How could I say no?
Not that I wanted to.
But it was such a kind gesture.
I really appreciate that I am married to such a selfless guy.
I try to tell him that as often as possible,
But I’m not perfect.

I’m such a lucky wife!

Day 35 – Love is Accountable

Today’s dare was to find a marriage mentor.

I already had one, so this was cake for me.

A mentor to me isn’t someone who is perfect.
To me, I want my mentors to be someone who has struggled and who has worked hard to overcome their struggles and is making the most of every single day.

My mentor is one of my best friends,
And I’m just lucky enough to have her as an aunt.

She is so honest and loving that I know I can say anything to her and that she will respond with complete honesty and she will put me in my place if needs be.

The best part is that Spencer also looks up to her and considers her an amazing strength.

Once again… I’m so stinking lucky!

Day 36 – Love is God’s Word

Today’s dare was to commit reading scripture every day.

This is something that I have always done, but have struggled at doing lately.

Luckily, I also have the option of listening to scriptures thanks to certain apps.
But I still find that I gain more from actually reading.

For me this dare was to really make this, scripture reading, a priority in my daily life.

It’s something that I would love to do together with Spencer, or even as a family, but I have to take it one step at a time.

Day 37 – Love Agrees in Prayer

Today’s dare is to ask your spouse if you can pray together.

This is something that Spencer and I have done off and on since we were married.

It gets tough when we are on different schedules and I can only imagine that it will be even harder when he moves to Vegas in January.

So I chose to ask about having a family prayer before he goes to class every morning.

I’m hoping that this will involve to evening prayer as well,
But baby steps you know.

This is not only something that can strengthen Spencer and I and our marriage, but I feel as though I can truly use this as a teaching moment for our children.

Ani understands prayer, but we haven’t been super consistent with her and prayer and there is seriously no better time than right now.

This dare is perfect because it’s something that I have wanted to do and now I have a good reason to do it.

I’ve been dared.

Day 38 – Love Fulfills Dreams

Today’s dare was to start planning how to meet my spouse’s desires.

There are so many places to start!

I know that Spencer wants to be successful and happy and to be able to give me and our children the life we want.

Right now in our lives, the best thing that I can do is to be patient with him and allow him to attend his classes and to allow him to do his homework even if that means I don’t see him during the day and that I feel super alone and like I am a single parent.

This too will end.

I really have to put aside my selfish desires and my laziness to make sure that Spencer has everything that he needs in order to succeed in school.

This will really allow him to do well in school and to be able to provide for the needs and wants of our family in the way that he wants to and that will meet his desires.

This dare sucks, because it is definitely not what I want to do.
But I know that it’s what needs to be done.

But it’s not really unfortunate, because I’m lucky enough to be married to a man who wants and desires then same things that I do.

So by working together and struggling for a little bit,
We can reach our goals and dreams together.

Day 39 – Love Endures

Today’s dare was to spend time praying and then to write a letter of commitment and resolve to my spouse.

So for Spencer, letters don’t do anything.

He likes to verbally here things as opposed to reading them.
He probably wouldn’t even save the letter.
We are different in this regard.
I save everything.

Anyway, so I picked a moment to tell him directly how I feel and what I want and how I will accomplish that.

I told him that I waited 25 years for the right person. During that time I suffered 2 failed engagements and so much heart break and self-destruction. But I did it hoping and praying that someday I would find someone, the perfect someone for me.

Although we may fight sometimes, and although we may be two of the most stubborn people on the planet, we love each other. And because we love each other we can make it through anything.

I thanked him for being patient with my craziness and my mood swings.
I thanked him for choosing me.

I promised him that I would fight for our marriage and our relationship and our family.

I promised him that I will make myself available for change and improvement as he desires and feels is necessary.

I promised to make myself available for him to meet his needs and desires and to help him in any way that I possibly can.

It was emotional and raw.
But it was also pretty darn amazing.

Best dare ever!

Day 40 – Love is a Covenant

Today’s dare is the last dare.

Today’s dare was to write out a renewal of my vows and to place them in my home.

That is weird.

We didn’t have vows at our wedding during our ceremony.

So I tweaked this dare a little bit to fit my needs and my desires.

I chose a word that I feel sums up how I feel and what I want out of our life together.

That word:


That’s all I want.
I know that it seems simple,
But true happiness isn’t easy to find and it’s something that I desire.

I have been happy for fleeting moments in my life,
But I desire a happiness that will last despite crappy moments and hard times.

I believe that I can have that with Spencer.

I know that it is possible now more than ever!

So that's it.
I have successfully completed The Love Dare.
And I can tell you something...

I feel more blessed than ever to have Spencer as my husband.
But here's the catch.
We still have arguments, 
life isn't all butterflies and rainbows.
But since I have begun and completed this dare 
I forgive more easily and I love deeper,
and all of these dares has made my marriage so much stronger.
and they have also made me more willing to work at my marriage.

I know that this dare isn't for everyone,
especially for those who may not be as religious. 
I will admit that even the religious parts were weird and awkward at times, 
but it did help!
Although there were times where I didn't understand what the dare had to do with my marriage,
it helped!

I feel accomplished.
More accomplished then I have felt in the past when I have completed a task.
I think that the difference is because I completed a task that will greatly benefit something that is so incredibly important to me.
I strengthened my marriage and I made it better.
I did that.

I still haven't told Spencer that I did this.
And honestly, I don't know if I will.

I know that he can see a difference.
He told me yesterday that he felt as though our marriage is good and that we are in such a good place.
I appreciate that.
And for the first time in my life I'm not seeking recognition for the change. 

The Love Dare has changed my marriage,
and only for the better!

I'm so thankful that I made a determined effort to follow through and to change my marriage.

I am so happy!

On the day we were married we took this picture:

It was intended for our Thank You cards
(don't worry if you never got one, we didn't forget you, I just never mailed them... fail)
But I kind of feel as though it was meant for me,
right now,
in this moment.
I am thanking myself for remembering why marriage is so important and valuable.
I am thanking myself for working hard to keep my marriage good.
I am thanking myself for reviving my marriage.
I am thanking myself for remembering the covenants I made with my husband 4 years ago.
I am thanking myself for taking the time to make my marriage matter.

I attended a funeral yesterday and the main speaker,
who I've known for about 11 years
and who is insanely AMAZING,
(check him out here.
You won't regret it!)
talked about how marriage and love is what this life is all about.
It's what really matters.

I can't imagine my life without Spencer!
Without him, I wouldn't have anything.
At least I wouldn't have the things that matter most to me in my life.

40 days seems like a long time top commit to seomthing,
but when it comes to something this important,
this amazing,
my marriage,
every awkward second was worth it!

My marriage was worth it!
My marriage IS worth it!

If you want to learn more about The Love Dare, check it out here.
And trust me....
You want to learn more!


  1. Reading this one reslly made me emotional. I love how you said that you guys still have fights. You two remind me of the Notebook couple! I am going to do this challenge now. Lol 32...! I never mailed my thank you cards either haha.

  2. Reading this one reslly made me emotional. I love how you said that you guys still have fights. You two remind me of the Notebook couple! I am going to do this challenge now. Lol 32...! I never mailed my thank you cards either haha.