Monday, October 12, 2015

DAY 1488-1498... THE LOVE DARE PART 3

Day 21 – Love is Satisfied in God

Today’s dare was to be intentional about reading my scriptures and making time to pray.

Scripture study is definitely something that I haven’t been doing so great on. I make so many different excuses, when really if I have time to watch Hulu or to read any other book, why don’t I have time to read my scriptures?

I’m not sure why I make excuses. I know that every time I do ready the scriptures I learn something, I feel uplifted and I always have a better day.
Why are the easiest things the hardest?

Today I made an effort to get in some scripture reading.
I could’ve done better.
And I have been doing a little better every day when it comes to my reading.

I really need to prioritize my life in such a manner that it benefits not only me but all of those around me.

Day 22 – Love is Faithful

Today’s dare was to choose to be committed to love, even if my spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it.

I know that Spencer likes to receive love.
Who doesn’t?

I think that the problem generally comes down to I get annoyed and I don’t like to go out of my way to show love.

I will still do laundry, clean the house, make meals and to me that does show love, but Spencer doesn’t always feel like those are the ways that he wants to receive it. He wants something more.

I felt as though this dare was something more for me.
I changed the dare to being committed to love, even if I have lost most of my desire to give it.

Day 23 – Love Always Protects

Today’s dare was to remove anything that is hindering your relationship.

This was kind of emotional for me.
I really felt that it isn’t my addictions that are completely to blame.
I know that I could cut down on my TV watching, but I truly feel as though Spencer has more things in his life that are hindering our relationship.
Of course he wasn’t the one taking the dare and he didn’t need to do it, but I felt angry that I was working so hard and he wasn’t.

I know that thanks to Netflix and Hulu and all my wonderful apps, I can watch whatever I want, whenever I want.
There are definitely times when I could be spending time with Spencer or doing something for Spencer as opposed to watching my shows, and honestly that is the biggest issue that hinders our relationship.

So I will cut down on my TV watching when Spencer is home and focus more time on him.

Day 24 – Love vs. Lust

Today’s dare was to identify every object of lust in my life and remove it.

I feel as though this dare is pointless for me.
I don’t lust after any other person.
I don’t find myself attracted to other people.

I feel as though lust isn’t really an issue in my life and so I wasn’t sure what to do here.

Maybe I’m not being completely honest with myself and that there should be something that I should be able to find, but I really don’t think that I am a lustful person in any sense of the word.

Day 25 – Love Forgives

Today’s dare was to forgive your mate for anything that you haven’t forgiven them for.

Let it go.

I am a pretty unforgiving person.
I definitely hold grudges.

I was definitely holding a grudge on this day because Spencer had just spent 3 full days on a camping/fishing trip with a buddy.
This left me completely alone with 2 kids.
One insanely sassy toddler and 1 teething and miserable baby.

The previous week I spent 5 hours with my Mom and the last hour consisted completely of Spencer texted me asking where I was because he could not handle being alone with the 2 kids.

If I were to leave for 3 days, part of me would love a vacation but part of me would miss my babies, Spencer would die. There is no way that he could handle it.

I was upset because he didn’t even ask if he could do this, it was more like he told me it was happening and it what it is.

I was upset because he had just bought a car, which he will need for his internship, but I thought we could spend the next 3 months looking, but he just bought it.
Yet if I want to spend $5 on a shirt, all hell breaks loose.

I just don’t understand the unfairness and how much work is solely mine.

I love my kids and miss them like crazy even after 2 hours, but it’s not fair that I never get a break or what I want.
I can’t even decorate the way I want to because he will take it down or tells me that it looks bad.
I don’t know any other husband who cares that much and has to have a say in absolutely everything.
It’s a little overwhelming and smothering at times.

But on this day, it was also the Sunday Session of General Conference. (click here for more info).
The day before one of the speakers mentioned this quote:

I died!
This was said for me.
This touched my soul!
I needed to hear this.

I realized that to continue to hold a grudge against my husband would never fully allow me to love him as much as I possibly can.

So I choose to let those feelings go.
Definitely had to use prayer to help me out on this one.
But I felt better.

I feel as though, when he came home from fishing I was able to welcome him back and let go of all of those harsh and mean feelings.

This dare was fantastic!

Day 26 – Love is Responsible

Today’s dare was to take time out of my day to pray through my areas of wrongdoings. I was required to ask God for forgiveness and admit my failings to my spouse. I also needed to ask Spencer for forgiveness.

Saying, I’m sorry, is a hard thing for me to do.
I know when I’m wrong, but I rarely feel as though I am wrong and I have a hard time asking for forgiveness when it comes to my opinion.

“Opinions are immunity to being told you’re wrong.” Reliant K

That saying doesn’t always hold true in my marriage.

I just kind of blanketed it to Spencer and told him I was sorry and that I love him.

Not sure he bought that, but I did what I was asked to do and it is what it is.

Day 27 – Love Encourages

Today’s dare was to eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in my home. I was to think of one area where my spouse has told me that I was expecting too much and apologize for it.

I know that Spencer is a full time college student and that that can be difficult and rough for him.

I look at my own day and know that it isn’t something that he could handle, and so I often get upset about that and the fact that I feel as though he could be doing more around the house to help me.

Being a full time Mom and a working Mom at the same time is really really hard.

So, when it came to re-evaluating my expectations, I decided that I needed to apologize for demanding so much from him when he came home from school.

So I did.
It kind of turned into an argument because I think that he thought I was being mean about it when really that wasn’t my intention at all.

So I have decided to just show him by not asking for his help and for trying not to complain or to be upset about feeling as though I am doing so much.

Actions really do say so much more than words could ever say!

Day 28 – Love Makes Sacrifices

Today’s dare is to lift a need from Spencer’s shoulders today.

Today I tried really really hard to make sure that things around the house were taken care of so that he would not have to worry about anything around the house.

I did ask him to take the trash out though… so maybe that constitutes as a failure.

A lot of the needs that Spencer worries about involve school work and there’s not much that I can do there as far as that goes.
I can’t go to class for him.
I can’t read for him and somehow transfer it to his brain.
I can’t shouldn’t do his homework for him.

When it comes to school I feel like the best that I can do is to take care of things around here so that he can specifically focus on his school work.

So that’s what I did.
It’s what I try to do every day, so I’m not really sure he got that, but at least I tried.

Day 29 – Love’s Motivation

Today’s dare was to pray for my spouse, tell him that I love him, show him I love him in a tangible way, then pray again and thank God for giving me the privilege of loving my spouse.

I grew up in a very loving home.
With that said I did not grow up saying “I love you” and showing love in a tangible way.
Spencer did.

That has made things tough.

I have had to work really really hard on pushing my boundaries and making sure that I am constantly working on myself so that Spencer feels love in the way that he needs to feel love.

I must have told Spencer “I love you” a million times today.
Good news for me… He always said it back.

I tried to hug him, hold his hand and to find any way that I could find to touch him.
It felt awkward at times.
Pretty sure he felt that too.

I absolutely love praying to my Heavenly Father and thanking him for my family.
It really is the least that I can do.
I feel so blessed to be married to Spencer and to have these two insanely amazing and beautiful children.

Saying thank you is the easy part.

Showing it isn’t always the easiest thing though.
At least for me.

Day 30 – Love Brings Unity

Today’s dare is to isolate one area of division in your marriage and to take today to pray about it and to ask God to reveal anything in my heart that is threatening my marriage.

For me, the answers to prayers aren’t always instant.
They usually come several days, sometimes weeks, sometimes months later.

But I feel like even though I may not have received an answer today regarding this prayer, my mind was more open to evaluating myself and where I stood with my husband and how I was treating him.

I really want to strength the amount of time we have together, just he and I, and I want to make sure that it’s quality time.
I don’t want that time to be us on our iPad’s, but still in the same room.
Boo to that.
I want it to be us doing something together where we can talk and laugh and love.

I really need to take time to focus on making quality time for my husband regardless of how busy I am or how messy my house is.

I look forward to the answer to my prayer.

 I can't  believe that I only have 10 days left of The Love Dare!
I have never stuck with anything for so long before.
Although I may not be perfect in my dare's, I know my marriage is a thousand times better than it has been!

If you want to learn more about The Love Dare, check it out here.


  1. You have such a beautiful family! I can relate on making up excuses time to time instead of reading scripture. It's really cool to read about someone's experience with this. Have you read the Love Languages book? It's been a long time since I skimmed it (guilty of buying books with good intentions to finish them) but I remember it mentioning how we all have our ways of showing love different... My husband is definitely one to show his love by being our provider and helping with chores and I've finally accepted that but we do all have different interpretations of how to show that we love someone! I enjoyed coming across your post! Good luck finishing! God will give you the strength!

  2. Jen, you are an amazing wife and a mother! I really look up to you. I find as I'm reading this that I am a lot like you as far as stress and thinking that I do a lot more than my husband goes. You are doing so much better than some mothers have wife's. Most woman can't handle full time work and mother. And with Spencer gone so much. I know how it can be to thinking that your husband isn't trying. That can be so so stressful and sad. Sometimes when I felt that and I talk to Adam about it that makes me feel better. I understand that doing this challenge is changing you. And to me, you and Spencer are great together. I see you guys as a healthy marriage with two super cute children. But marriage definitely takes two people. And yes working just on yourself may help the other person to start falling in love with you all over again, and it should! You deserve someone who is there helping you, you deserve to feel happy and stress free. You deserve a ton of appreciation. And you definitely deserve a best friend who you can talk to about anything and everything and to whom you can complain all the time if you want to and will still lobe you no matter what. Just saying. You're an incredible woman...and if I was. a man that's just how I would treat you ;) lol hope that didn't sounds to weird! You're just amazing to me, and I think a lot of people on the outside can see that. Sometimes it's the close people that take us for granted. You know?