Tuesday, July 14, 2015

DAY 1410... Man, I Feel Like a Woman

I remember going to the doctor when I was 14 because the cramping I was experience during my periods were really really painful. I thought that I was being a super big wimp, but as it turned out I wasn't. It was at this time that the doctor told me that giving birth would be a breeze compared to the severity of my cramps. Yeah, right.

This is 14 year old me... The worst soccer player on the face of the earth!

This morning as I lay on my bathroom floor (for the second time in the past week) in excruciating pain from menstrual cramps, I realized that these cramps were indeed worse than giving birth, at least when comparing them to my two experiences of giving birth.

My cramps are so bad that, generally, I throw up, get headaches, experience dehydration and spend a majority of those wonderful 5 days in crazy amounts of pain. The fetal position becomes my favorite position in the world! Medication has worked, but has not been overly effective because it takes way more than the prescribed amount to get some sort of relief. My heating pad instantly becomes the best purchase of my life. Drinking plenty of water helps a lot and so does eating very clean during this week. Although I have never wanted Taco Bell more than I do during this week, making sure I get plenty of fruits and veggies during this week really helps to ease the pain. I find that I cannot exercise in the mornings because that's when the pain is the worst, and that makes it all the more difficult for me to make sure that I get some type of workout in. It probably doesn't help much that my 3 year old doesn't comprehend the pain, and still uses my belly as a punching bag/trampoline. Usually, I don't mind that Aniston considers me invincible, but during this specific week, I wish there was someway to help her understand that even Mommy gets sick sometimes and needs to rest.

I truly feel as though I am being punished for not being pregnant. How crazy is that? I know it's silly to think that, but that thought constantly runs through my head as I lay, sweating, on the bathroom floor in the fetal position.

Every month this week is the WORST! Besides the crazy mood swings (bless my poor husband's heart and soul), the pain and sickness I experience, I also become very depressed and unmotivated. It seems that by the time I am able to snap myself out of those feelings, it starts all over again. It's exhausting both mentally and emotionally. It makes me feel like I am the weakest person alive. It's a never ending cycle of suckiness. Yes, I am aware that that is not a word, but bear with me here. Sometimes you are allowed to make words up.

I know, with every fiber of my body, that I cannot handle a 3rd child right now, or maybe ever, but my constant thought is that I need to get pregnant so that I don't have to go through this every month for 9 months. Seriously, not having a  period and experiencing these feelings and pains is one of my favorite things about pregnancy! How selfish is that? I'm really glad that I'm not stupid enough to get pregnant for my own selfish reasons. I feel as though I have a pretty good grasp on reality in general.

Basically, I am coming to you all for help. I have done so much research and I feel so helpless when it comes to my options and what I can do about this situation. I know that there are other women out there who experience these types of feelings and pains and I would love to know what has helped others. I understand that pain wise, it is what it is, but what has helped you emotionally and mentally?

No comments:

Post a Comment