Last night I had one of my amazing cheerleaders from last year come over and talked with me for a couple hours. She needed some advice and apparently I'm an expert... How about that? Anyway it really helped remind me how things do get better in life. But sometimes it's hard to imagine that.
Think about high school... How many times did you think that you maybe "loved" that boy, but you were too shy to say anything or nothing really ever happened? How depressed would you become? I remember crying myself to sleep over the ridiculousness of it all. Even though the world seemed as though it was ending at the time... things got better.
I think about my second year of college, when the guy that I had been dating since the beginning of college and I broke up. I had been convinced that I was going to marry that boy and thank goodness I didn't. But I didn't realize at the time that it really wouldn't have worked out because I didn't really even know who I was. How could I have made a good wife to someone without knowing what I wanted? I would have lost myself completely. So even though I ate myself through a terrible depression... things got better.
Three years later I remember how devastated I was after learning my boyfriend of 13 months had been cheating on me almost the entire time. This was a guy who I had shopped for wedding rings for, had picked out a wedding ring, and had started planning my future with him. I was destroyed! But I didn't realize at that time that the reason I had moved to Utah was to date him... Perhaps that why I needed to date him. So that I could be in Utah. I was embarrassed and hurt... but things got better.
I think about how I spent the next 2 years of my life chasing a guy who treated me like trash, but who I considered my best friend. I pretty much would've done absolutely anything for this guy without question. But he used me and I just couldn't see that. There's no way I could have seen that the reason for him being in my life was to keep me off the market and distracted for those 2 years so that I would be in the right place at the right time. So while I was bending over backwards during the day for him and sobbing all through the night I couldn't have ever imagined that... things would get better.
Then, just before the end of those 2 wasted years I met Spencer... things got better! I don't even need to explain.
And the best thing is that things keep getting better!
Why is it that we get so dramatic about life when things just don't turn out our way? I feel as though the older I get the better I understand that everything happens for a reason. I am overwhelmed by the blessings that have occurred in my life. Most of them happened when I thought that things just couldn't get better. Most of the time I was depressed about a boy... GAG. But it's life. I wish I knew a better way to explain to these amazing girls that although it may seem like it now, your worth does not depend upon who you are dating. You can be happy alone... most of the time you can be more happy because you don't have to deal with the drama of it all. But I don't know how to do that. Perhaps it just comes with time. The older you get the wiser you become. And everyday I realize more and more that...