Thursday, March 17, 2016

DAY 1654... Anger

I've been a little MIA lately.
Life has been pretty brutal.
Really brutal.

When someone messes with my family or my kids,
that is when problems arise.
Nothing makes me more angry than that.
Walmart being out of Cheetos comes pretty close,
but not quite.

What makes me even more angry,
is when the person who is doing the messing with is family.

At what point to do cut your losses?
At what point do you say enough is enough?
At what point do you give up?

Physical Abuse?
Verbal Abuse?
Child Endangerment?
Total Disrespect?

Where do you draw the line?

I have been a pretty angry person in the past.
Having a boyfriend who has literally asked your father to marry you,
had the ring in his possession,
bought and paid for,
wedding date picked out,
and then finding out,
at church mind you,
that he has been having sex with some girl for the past 9 months...
that will make you pretty angry.

But I can honestly say that I have never been this angry ever before.

I am angry because it has put me in a difficult situation financially.
I am angry because I have been lied to.
I am angry because no consequences have been given.
I am angry because I actually called CPS and the child was removed from the home.
I am angry because my parents have been used.
I am angry because my parents have been abused.
I am angry because my parents have been hurt.
I am angry because my parents have been hurt financially.
I am angry because there is a child involved who doesn't deserve any of this.
I am angry because the people doing this don't care.

How can you not care?

I would love to go into detail and share every little secret,
but for my parents sake,
and to save them from the embarrassment of it all,
I will restrain.

I know.
That sucks.
Details are THE BEST!

The past 5 years have been incredibly difficult for my family.
We have struggled losing a family member to so many destructive tendencies.
We have all been effected deeply by this.
We have all been hurt.

We have all tried to help.
But we have been rejected,
and never appreciated for anything.

No parent should ever feel the way that my parents have felt in the past 5 years.

On March 15th 2016,
the issue came to an end.

Thank goodness.
The sense of relief I feel,
the joy I feel for my parents and my younger brother,
the happiness I feel is overwhelming.

I need to let go of the anger and forgive.
I know that that is important.
But forgiveness is not my strong suit.

I have been praying like crazy,
and nothing.

I feel as though the anger and the depression and anxiety that have stemmed from that anger,
affects everything in my life.
That includes parenting.
That sucks.

I know that time heals all wounds,
but I don't really know what the future will bring.

I pray that it brings forgiveness.
I pray that it brings healing.

Anger is a beast.


  1. I am sorry that these terrible things happened. We understand painful situations, mistreatment, rejection, loneliness, disappointment, overwelming loss, etc. This might help you.

  2. Oh Jen, I'm so sorry you're going through this especially with Spencer gone right now! Let's just say I know at least part of what you feel. You might not believe that, but my family has been in some really tough, similar situations. One thing I've found that helps is seeing a therapist. Might sound cheesy and too expensive, but seriously you won't regret it. The University has some awesome therapists. Child and Family services is a great resource too. I haven't gone to Seasons for it, but I'm sure they could refer you. Just don't get into the mindset that what you're going through isn't worth seeing a professional because chances are it definitely is. I'll even go with you if you don't want to go by yourself! Just don't feel like you have to go through trials alone. You will drive yourself crazy in the process.

  3. You are not alone. FORGIVENESS seems to be so easy for some, but really, I think some just hide their battles better than others. It could possibly be a daily battle for the rest of ones life, with some days being easier than others. Everyone has something that is "UNFORGIVEABLE" for them. But we have been promised that "all things are possible through Christ." Don't give up the fight. Don't give in, it's what our enemy is counting on. We are soldiers and we have all of the power of Heaven with us. Is all we have to do is want it and ask for it. "Seek and ye shall find. Knock and it shall be opened unto you." Keep praying, keep watching and waiting, God will not fail those who stand with Him and for Him.♡♡♡ Lots of love and hugs to you.

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