Sunday, May 19, 2013

DAY 620... 8 Reasons Why I Sucked As a Single Parent... And 2 Reasons Why I Rocked

I don't think that I'm a terrible parent. However, I am a beyond awful single parent! My heart goes out to all those men and women who are forced to live the life as a single parent. They really do work twice as hard as a normal two parent household. I have a completely new respect for these parents who parent on their own and raise good kids.
Seriously though... How adorable is my Ani Kate????

Here are my 10 reasons why I sucked as a single parent...

1. I left my razor where Ani could reach it. This is probably the worst thing I have ever done. I felt so guilty about it but maybe because I say something about it, it will never happen to another kid. I turned to get a towel from under the sink and by the time I had turned around, Ani had the razor in her mouth. Thank goodness she only cut her little tongue and not her face or anything else. She thankfully didn't seemed bothered by it either. But I can tell you that I have not left that razor within reach since then and I will NEVER do that again.

2. My house was never clean. Between work, cheer, homework and watching Ani, there just never seemed like there was time to clean up. I was able to stay on top of the dishes thank goodness, but her toys were everywhere and the laundry just kept piling up. Sometimes when I had a few extra minutes at night, after Aniston had gone to bed, I would think about cleaning up... I would think about it for several minutes, but I was so exhausted that I just couldn't do it.

3. I had to drop Ani off at a babysitters while I went to work. This was probably the HARDEST thing that I had to do. It got to the point where we would walk up to their front door and she would start crying because she knew I was going to leave. That is seriously one of the most heartbreaking things ever. I know that there are millions of people who use daycare, and I have no problem with that. I understand that people need to work. But it was just something that I never wanted for Ani. I never wanted her to feel like I was leaving her willingly.

4. I cried every night. Poor Aniston would just stare at me while I bawled my eyes out every night. I think at night, when it's quiet and when it's settling down, I always find time to think. I would realize that I would have to go to bed alone, that I was the only support that Aniston had and I felt like I was not enough for her. All of the weight of my responsibilities just came crashing down on me. I tried to wait until Aniston was asleep, but I didn't always make it.

5. I kept Aniston up too late. There were several nights where I had meetings or cheer and I had no choice but to bring Aniston with me. Everyone loves her so it wasn't a big deal, but she would get so needy and cranky and upset to the point where it would get hard for me to focus. I knew that I was keeping her up late, but I also knew that it was my only option really.

6. I was easily impatient. I've always known that this is the way I am, but when you are taking care of a 10 month old, basically you have absolutely no time for yourself ever. Sometimes this made me really upset. I mean all I wanted to do was take a shower, but there wasn't time and then even when she went to bed if I took a shower it would wake her up. It was just tough. So sometimes I would just put her in her crib and let her have her "quiet time". Sometimes she would get crazy while she was in there...

7. I never once cut her fingernails. Aniston went 2 weeks without me cutting her fingernails. I finally remembered that chore after she scratched the heck out of my arm. I am lucky that she is past the stage of scratching herself on her face. Even though it's something that I hate doing, I really should have kept up on that.

8. I became a home dweller. Just knowing that anytime I would have to go anywhere, that I would have to get Aniston in and out of the car was exhausting. Even if it was the most simple thing as going to the ATM  I just couldn't bring myself to do it because of all the extra work that would be involved.

Now the reasons I rocked...

9. I exercised everyday! Aniston LOVES going for walks and being outside. I used this as an excuse to workout everyday with her. We were logging 3-5 miles a day and it was good! It helped me to relieve stress and to make my daughter happy. And it made me feel good about myself.

10. Aniston was still smiling. This is what helped me know that even though I thought I was doing an awful job, I must have been doing something right. Honestly the only thing that kept me going was Aniston. Everything I do I do for her. I could have been feeling at my worst and she would look at me and smile, and that's what helped me know that I could keep going and make it through the day.

All I can say is that I am soooooooooooooo happy that Spencer is back! Life as a single parent is ridiculously tough and I hope that I never have to attempt the do is alone again. I'm not the only one who is glad that Daddy is back...

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