Monday, October 24, 2016

DAY 1682... When Things Don't Go As Planned

We have prepared for a couple of months for Aniston's first primary program.
I have been looking forward to her first primary program for years even before she was born!
We listened to the music in the car nonstop,
we practice her part at home over and over,
we talked about the program all the time,
we encouraged her constantly,
bought a new dress,
invited Nana and Papa and Ryan to come watch,
curled her hair,
we were 100% prepared for the primary program.

due to an incident with the water during the sacrament moments before the program,
everything fell apart.

Needless to say,
Aniston's first primary program did not go as planned.
Not at all.

Aniston refused to smile,
or sing
during the entire program.

She basically sat in her chair,
in the front row,
and glared at me.
Her teacher,
bless her heart,
 eventually held her because she looked like she was ready to burst into tears at one point.

I was really upset,
and embarrassed.

I wanted to punish her for throwing a fit in front of the entire ward.
I wanted leave church and just go home and forget the rest of my meetings.
But we stayed.

And in young women's,
our lesson was on Christ like love.
A lesson that I desperately needed to hear.
I couldn't keep it together the entire lesson.
I was literally bawling my eyes out the entire time.
Those poor teenage girls probably think I'm a basket case.

It occurred to me how heartless I was being,
especially as a parent.
Aniston didn't need to be punish her,
tell her how disappointed I was in her,
or be upset with her.
She needed me,
as her mother,
to remind her that I still love her.
She needed me to tell her that it's okay that it didn't go as planned,
and that there will be many times when life won't go as planned,
and that that's okay.
I don't know exactly what happened.
I don't know what she was feeling.
Maybe she just got scared,
or maybe it was something else,
but regardless,
I have been there before.
I know the feeling of being scared and in front of a crowd.
I know the feeling of anxiety.
It's not fun.
I put myself in her shoes and instantly realized how wrong I was.
Maybe that's why I couldn't stop crying.
I needed to STOP IT.
I needed to show my beautiful daughter a more Christlike love.

During our lesson,
our teacher showed us clips of the following talk.

Watch it!
All of it!
I feel know that this talk will change my life.

I'm so grateful for days like today.
Days where I am reassured that no matter how hard things may seem that I'm doing okay.
I'm where I need to be,
doing what I need to be doing,
and that I'm doing better than I think I am.
Being able to be constantly taught,
and to realize that Heavenly Father knows me,
and knows what I need every second of every day,
is so comforting to me.

Regardless of how much we plan,
or bargain for things to go the way we planned,
things rarely go the way that we plan for.
It's part of life.
And definitely part of life when children are involved!
But it's okay.
And sometimes,
not today in my case,
but sometimes it actually goes better than you ever could've planned or hoped for.

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