Wednesday, August 19, 2015

DAY 1445... I'm Not Ready

Aniston starts preschool on September 1st. She also starts gymnastics and dance class the same day.

I'm not ready.

Do I have to send her to preschool? No.

Does she need to go to gymnastics and dance class? No.

But she wants to and and more than that she is ready for it.

As I Mom, I cannot deny her of her desires just out of my purely selfish reasons.

I wish that I could though.

I'm thankful that I will have Benson here to keep me company and remind me that 'm not alone, but I will surely miss my Ani Kate.

We all know how well I do with change... BOO!

As we have been preparing for school to start we have been busy doing the typical things for back to school. We went school clothes shopping for the first time, which was amazing and a nightmare at the same time. I should have known how opinionated she was going to be when at 2 1/2 she demanded to be Batman for Halloween. This girl knows exactly what she wants and how she wants it. I'm going to start getting sneaky. We have set up pictures, we have bought a new backpack, we are technically ready.

Since Aniston is my oldest child and this is all completely new to Spencer and I, I have been searching for back to school traditions that we could start as a family. I really want for my children to have positive memories and outlooks on starting a new school year. I have been searching the internet and asking friends with school aged children to share with me their back to school traditions. I am dying to find some amazing traditions that I can start with me family.

Because of my anxiety, the first day of school was typically pretty hard for me. I was terrified of not knowing where my classes were (I made sure to get to school super early and to find all my classes, in the order I would be attending them so that I wouldn't get lost), I was worried my locker wouldn't open because I would forget the combo, even though I had it written down in a million places. I was worried that I would wear the wrong thing or that my friends would have decided that they no longer wanted to be my friend. I was worried about where I would sit during lunch and who I would sit by during classes. I can look back now and laugh (kind of) because I always had friends and never had to worry about these things. It helped that during the Fall and Winter I wore my cheerleading outfit or something cheer to school once or twice a week so I didn't really ever have to worry about the clothes thing. But even though I can laugh about my past, I hope that Aniston doesn't have these same fears or develop these same fears as she gets older.

How, as a Mom, can a teach her and prepare her to be strong and courageous? It's my biggest fear that Aniston will turn out to be like me. I want her to be so much more.

I wish that I had been so much more.

I know that I had a potential to be more than I was, but I had no confidence in myself or in what I was capable of.

I regret that.

I want Aniston to be strong, smart, confident and so many other things, but I also want her to be kind. I want to teach her to love everyone and to help everyone and that she can be friends with everyone. I want her to set an example and to be the person that I never was.

We both don't really know what to expect. But one thing I do know... I'm pretty sure my precious 3 year old daughter will handle her first day of preschool a thousand times better than I will.

If you have any amazing back to school traditions that you would like to share, please let me know! I would love some inspiration!

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