Sunday, May 8, 2016

DAY 1705... Motherhood

There are many words that define me.


But the one word that I feel like most defines me is:

I LOVE being a mom!
Usually I get really excited about things and then grow tired of them very quickly.
It's just how I have always worked.
I'm the kind of person who is good at a lot of things,
but never great at anything.
I kind of hate that.
Even though there are moments where I am exhausted with being a Mom,
and there are definitely times when I need a break,
it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
And it's not something that I ever want to go away.
I never want my children to grow up and leave me!
I always want them to need me,
and love me,
and to know and feel how much I love them too.

My own mother has been,
and continues to be one of the most amazing people ever to have existed.
She loves everyone,
and when I say everyone I mean like she will hug a homeless person on the street because she wants them to feel loved.
She tried her best in all that she does.
She is completely innocent,
and therefore,
And she is,
hands down,
the BEST Nana in the world!
I really am so blessed to have such an amazing example in my life of how to be a good mom.
I honestly have no clue how she managed so easily,
well she made it look easy - I know it wasn't easy for her,
with 5 kids!
I don't know how she had me and then brought my little sister home from the hospital on my first birthday!

2 kids under 1?
Dig my grave now,
and dig it fast!
I think that's what I admire most about my Mom...
the fact that she made motherhood seem so effortless and easy.

I think it appears that way to me because she just loves being a mom.
There is nothing more that she would rather do than be a mom.
I am so lucky to have been able to have a mom like that.
Motherhood is crazy hard!
Hands down the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
But I am just so blessed to have her as my mom!
I definitely appreciate my Mom so much more now that I am a mom and that I have experienced first hand how difficult and emotionally draining it is.
I was not a pleasant child.
Let's be honest,
I was a total nightmare.
I'm sure my parents thank the Lord everyday that I grew up fairly normal.
I'm sure they wonder how it happened.
Some days I even wonder...
But it makes me really sad that I treated my mother horrible at times and that I didn't appreciate her the way she should be appreciated.

Not only is today the day that we celebrate mother's,
but it also happens to be my Mom's birthday.
And I for one am so glad that she was born and that I get to celebrate her times 2 today!

Some days I wish for more freedom.
Some days I wish for more time.
Some days I wish for less work.
Some days I wish for a nap.
Some days I wish for a shower.
Some days I wish I could have privacy when I go to the bathroom.
Some days I wish for more adult conversations.
Some days I wish for quiet.
Some days I wish for unstained white shirts.
Some days I wish for adult television.
Some days I wish for no unnecessary screaming.
Some days I wish that I could keep the A/C on and set to 50 degrees all night long.
Some days I wish that I didn't spend an hour every night cleaning.
Some days I wish that the word "no" was understood.

But every single day I thank my Heavenly Father that all my dreams came true and that I am a mom.
I have so many friends who are struggling with infertility and it breaks my heart.
I have cried so much for my dear sweet friends who would hands down be some of the best mothers ever if only they could catch a break and have their biggest dream fulfilled.
I stand my ground and maintain that the trial of infertility is one that Heavenly Father only reserves for his strongest children.
He looked at me and knew that that would break me and he passed me by.
Sure he gave me other challenges,
tough tough tough challenges,
but he knew that I wasn't strong enough for the challenge of infertility.

When my days get hard and I feel depressed,
and lonely,
I hug my babies a little tighter and remind myself how lucky and blessed I am to even get the opportunity to be a mom.

I am so blessed.
It's harder than anything I have ever done,
but there is nothing I want more than to be a mom to my two beautiful children.
My children help me continue to learn and grow everyday.
They motivate me to attempt to be my best possible self.
They also bring out the absolute worst in me,
but that's besides the point.
The point is that being a mom is unlike anything I have ever experienced and it rocks my world!

Motherhood is not something to take for granted.
Motherhood is not easy.
Motherhood is not a joke.
Motherhood is not a game.
Motherhood is not something that you gamble with.
Motherhood will strengthen you.
Motherhood will test you.
Motherhood will exhaust you.
Motherhood will build you up to be your best self if you allow it to.

When Elder Holland gave this talk last year,
I don't think that there was a woman who didn't shed a tear (or 20).
I love Elder Holland!
I love his bluntness,
his seriousness,
and his spirituality.
He always hits it right on the nose for me when it comes to conference.
It was amazing,
and uplifting.
I cannot say enough good things about this talk.

We are far too hard on ourselves when it comes to motherhood.
We need to realize that it really doesn't matter if so and so has her child in every sport,
dressed perfectly all the time,
or if her child is in the best dance class,
or if so and so makes all their children's clothes,
or uses cloth diapers for their baby.
It doesn't matter if we don't take professional type pictures of our children every day,
or if our husbands don't come home to a Pinterest perfect meal every night.
Every mother's experience is completely different,
and it's so unnecessary to compare ourselves to one another.
It's crazy hard not to,
but with some effort and hard work,
it's possible.

The craziest thing about motherhood,
is how many ways there are to do it right.
As a mother you can work,
you can exercise,
you can have hobbies,
you can have friends,
you can take a vacation,
and you can have your own time.

I love the quote that says,
"There's no way to be a perfect mother,
and a million ways to be a good one."
There is so much truth to that statement.
We aren't striving for perfection in motherhood,
even though there are many times when we forget that,
we are just striving to be the best mothers that we can.
For some mothers that means giving their children up for adoption,
for other moms it means waking up a little bit earlier to have some alone time to get centered and ready for the day,
and for another mom it means working a full-time job in order to provide for her family.
I applaud mothers everywhere who are doing their best to be the best they possibly can be.
That's all we need to do.
Our very best.
And we need to remember that we aren't doing our best for ourselves,
but we are doing our best for our children.

We are doing better than we think we are.
We will be okay.

Just remember that for every good picture you see posted online,
the other 587 that they took,
looks like these....

Happy Mother's Day to all women out there,
whether you have children or not.
Thank you for all that you do,
have done,
and will continue to do.
May your day be full of love.

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the BEST Mom out there!

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