Monday, January 27, 2014

DAY 888... Unconventional

I guess I have always been a little unconventional. I have always preferred to do things my way as opposed to the ways that the world thinks I should. It doesn't always have the best results. But I am beginning to realize that being unconventional doesn't always mean that it's wrong. I could care less what people think of my choices. For example, I cannot even tell you how many people have told me how much they hate my wedding ring, because it's unconventional. It's rose gold as opposed to white gold or yellow gold. But I love it, so what they think really doesn't matter to me. It's my ring not theirs. And it is exactly what I wanted. And I tell them that because when have I ever held back about how I really feel? Ummm never.

I don't care if people want to tell me their opinion, but I do care when they tell me I'm wrong or that I'm am doing the wrong thing. I especially hate it when people tell me that God thinks I'm doing the wrong thing, because apparently they know what God thinks about me. Most women in my faith choose to stay at home as opposed to working. However, I love to work. Spencer hates to work. Just another reason we are so perfect for each other. I am more educated and can bring in more money and support our family so that we can live the lifestyle we want to live. To tell me that my only purpose in life is to be a stay at home mom is incorrect. Spencer is an amazing dad and is capable of teaching Aniston just as well as I am. Don't believe me? Listen to my 18 month old talk up an understandable storm, or listen to her count to 5 or attempt the alphabet. Watch her treat her baby dolls with compassion and baby them like any mother would. Listen to her sing songs after only hearing them once. She is smart, compassionate and lovable. Spencer has done a wonderful job so far of staying at home with our baby. He makes dinners and also cleans the house while I'm at work! And I have done a wonderful job of bringing home the bacon.

While we beg the world to not judge those mothers who choose being a homemaker as their career, we should also be careful to judge those women who choose to work outside of the home. Why don't you ask me what I do? I run an Afterschool program where I spend the afternoons with children, some of which cannot go home to spend time with their own parents because they both work. I get to substitute that role and be the example that they need in their lives. I get to teach them life skills and compassion. I am helping those who might not even have parents helping them at home.

I think it's great when mothers want to stay at home with their children instead of working. It is your choice to do so. I love my daughter and I treasure every moment I get with her, but Spencer and I have chosen to live in such a way that I am the one working outside of the home and it has worked wonderfully for us. When two people get married, they choose to do whatever works for them. It's not always the same as every other couple who may share a religion or beliefs. This not only applies to work but also to having children. We should strive to be more sensitive when claiming that a woman's role is to bear children. There are so many women who cannot have children, or who are trying daily, yet continue to struggle. Why can't we understand that we need to be careful with our words and how we say things? Believe it or not, there are LDS women who do not even want children. That is their choice, not yours!

I guess I am struggle a little bit with one of my classes at church. It's called Relief Society and is specifically designed for women. But I hate it. I truly despise attending relief society. First I am the oldest one there (I looked at everyone's birthday'a yesterday/oldest by 8 months) because we attend a student ward. But we are taught over and over again not to judge one another but to love one another and then women are constantly leaving the room because they are upset because tactless things are said and the words of our Heavenly Father and his prophets are so twisted into what people think they mean as opposed to what they actually mean that they become hurtful. These women believe to have an absolute idea of what is expected of women and that there's no bending, there's no adjustment that it's so black and white. But it's not. It's okay for women to not want to have children and to work. We shouldn't make those who can't have children feel as though they are missing out on all of God's blessings for women. We should build each other up and love each other regardless of lifestyle choices and differences. I know the Church is true and I love the gospel, but I do not love the corruption that has somehow weaved it's way into Relief Society. We should love each other and do everything that we can to build each other up as opposed to divide ourselves and be so cold to each other. I minute I step into the room for class I feel judged. I feel judged based on what my hair looks like or what I'm wearing or how much I weigh. I feel judged based off what my diaper bag looks like or how my child behaves. That is so wrong! Church is NOT a fashion show and a place where anyone should feel judged. Church should be a refuge from the rest of the world. A safe and secure place filled with love.

We need to be more sensitive to those who are living the unconventional. It is their right to live that way as it is your to live conventionally. Not all women will speak up as I do and tell you that it's nice that you have those feelings about my life, but your opinion doesn't matter in this case, and they might hold it in and allow it to hurt. That's not okay to me. No woman should feel judged or persecuted because of her trials or for her good choices.


  1. It is hard when things get misconstrued, isn't it? I lead the lesson yesterday in Priesthood, and Lisa mentioned it was the same topic as what you had in RS. I sure hope I didn't come off the way it did in your lesson where there is only one right way to do things. I tried to make a point that whatever a man and wife decide, as long as they are in harmony with each other and God, should be the end of the discussion. I'm happy with the arrangement my wife and I have, and it sounds like you are happy with the one you and Spencer have. As long as all the needs of the family are met, who else could say otherwise?

  2. Spencer said you did an amazing job teaching yesterday! He thought you did great!