DAY 1272... Oscar Awesomeness

Anyone who knows me knows that I love celebrities, movies and people.com. I also LOVE awards season and Neil Patrick Harris! So a couple of weeks ago, I came up with the idea of throwing our first Oscar Viewing party. Surprisingly my husband was on board and we began planning. Thank goodness for Pinterest! I seriously cannot believe that I was married and planned a reception without Pinterest. I think I am owed a redo...

We decided not to invite many people and to have a laid back fun enjoyable time. Next year, yes, it went well enough to make it an annual event, I think it needs to be a formal event. As adults you rarely get to dress up and get fancy and that probably needs to happen. Spencer was actually really wanting that to happen since he had already worn his other new suit to church that day and he was looking mighty fine. I'd take him to an awards show any day as my date!

I started the day by dressing Aniston in her gold dress, suitable for the Oscar's, for church. I was super bummed that I couldn't find her tights, so she rocked the Shirley Temple/Pageant socks.

Poor girl has a crazy bad cold, but that didn't stop her from partying it up, let me tell you. Some of our friends brought their 2 kids over, so Ani was super excited to have little people to play with as opposed to adults.

I really wanted people to be engaged and motivated to watch the Oscar's, so we had everyone fill out ballots before we started watching and offered a prize for the person who guessed the most correctly. We also played Oscar Bingo and because of that game, even the men were paying close attention. Thank goodness for prizes aka motivation!

The winner at the end of the night with 13/24 correct Oscar winners? Yours truly? It's probably bad hosting etiquette to be able to win a prize, but oh well. It happened.

I decided that I wanted to have a Popcorn Bar along with a few other small treats because you CANNOT have a party without treats. It was super simple and easy and best of all CHEAP! I really liked how it all turned out. I ordered these seasonings off Amazon and offered 8 different candy toppings for the popcorn.

I found these cute goody bags at the Dollar Tree and thought they were perfect for our Oscar Party! We filled them with even more candy. You can never have too much candy!

 We couldn't have the party without sparkling cider and of course juice for the kiddos! I also offered some veggies. I have lost 10lbs in 2 weeks (more about that later) and decided that I probably shouldn't go too crazy.

We also set up a photobooth area... that could use some work next year for sure. But it was my first time and it wasn't awful. The little girls adored it! They may or may not have eaten some of the uncooked black beans used to keep the props in place. My bad. 

It was a super fun night, and definitely beats watching the Oscar's alone. I already have so many ideas for next year!!!

DAY 1262-1265... Road Trip Time

It has been 6 months since we have been down to Utah and we were itching for a weekend getaway. Since Benson has gotten his immunizations and we felt more comfortable, since he was older, to actually take him in the car for 3 1/2 hours, we decided it was time to head south for the weekend. May have been a HUGE mistake because now we are both itching to move back to Salt Lake City ASAP. It probably doesn't help that there are 2 possible coaching jobs available to me... Anyone know of any Athletic Administration job openings????

Anyway... Benson was pretty excited for his first road trip. 

Let's be honest though. The excitement was short lived. This kid is definitely no longer a fan of his car seat. The drive takes 3 1/2 hours and this big boy demands to be fed every 3 hours. I should have taken a picture of me squeezing myself between the two car seats in the back seat in order to feed the little man. I am still in shock that my bodacious hips fit in that middle seat! We definitely made a few stops along the way for diaper changes and to get out the crazy! Ani loves to explore rest stops!

We stayed with my aunt Julie and her family, seriously some of the most amazing people ever, and Benny Boo got some serious love all weekend! My cousins just adored him! They also put together the cutest little sleeping cave for Aniston for the weekend. I think her smile says it all!

 

Friday night was awesome! I was able to get together with some of my old cheerleaders for dinner. We try to do this every time we go down to Utah and it's probably one of my favorite things ever! I started coaching these girls 5 years ago and they have just all grown up and are doing amazing things with their lives! I'm so proud of all of them! I love that they make time to see me when I come down. It seriously makes me feel so good! I love the friendships that we have and how our relationships have grown way past the coach and athlete relationship.

Saturday was Valentines Day. Not a day I choose to recognize as a holiday in the past, but with children now, I'm realizing the importance and the fun of celebrating holidays with my babies.

I wore my "wifey" shirt that I ordered from this shop on Vday. I felt as though it was fitting for the holiday and besides, being a wifey is one of the most amazing aspects of my life. I LOVE it! Spencer is my best friend and to be able to have him in my life everyday is absolutely amazing! Being a wife definitely isn't the easiest thing I have ever done, but who doesn't love a challenge right?

Of course we had to go shopping while we were in Utah. Believe me when I tell you that we have nothing in Rexburg. We don't even have a super Walmart. Super lame. We headed to the Outlet Mall in Lehi. Seriously, my favorite outlet mall ever! The views from the parking lot are insane and the store selection is perfection! We broke out the double stroller. Let's talk about this for a minute. First of all it seems brilliant right? But no one tells you that the aisle ways were not made for a side by side double stroller. I made my own aisles. But Benson loved it and Aniston did too and my back didn't kill from carrying one of them all day. Win-Win-Win.

We bought Benson his first pair of sunglasses. OBSESSED!

Our friends from Rexburg came down for the day, which was awesome, and not only did we get to go shopping together, but we also got in 18 holes of disc golf at our favorite Utah disc park.

Seriously though,  how cute are they????

Seriously, can you believe that it's the middle of February and we are wearing short sleeves, capri's and shorts? this is my kind of winter for sure!

The beards right??? Haha!

Let's talk about how dirty Aniston's pants were after letting her run wild in the dirt... Why on earth do we put white pants on toddlers? Because they are super adorable and I have an amazing homemade stain fighter. Plus they only cost $3 from Walmart.

And because of my faithfulness to tradition, we partook of Taco Bell on Valentine's Day. 11 year tradition. Love it!

Sunday we headed out to Eagle Mountain to go to church with Spencer's family. Spencer got to wear one of his new suits that we bought while we were down there and hubba hubba...

I am beyond obsessed with these two dudes! Benson was so over the trip by this point PS.

It was a nice little getaway and such a fun trip. I did spend the entire drive back to Idaho wedged between my children in the back seat, but there is honestly no where else I wonder rather be wedged! We cannot wait for our next Utah trip!

DAY 1260... What We Aren't Talking About

I am beyond obsessed with my beautiful children!

It has been a HUGE blessing to be able to stay at home all day with both of them and to busy myself with motherhood completely. I have learned so much in the past month and I know without a doubt that that is a blessing. I knew that I was having some rough days, but I didn't really contribute it to anything except the transition from working mom to full time stay at home mom. Seriously, being a stay at home mom is really hard. Then one evening, my husband asked me if I was okay. I just knd of stared at him. I didn't know what to say. But it was in that moment that I realized that I was am, really struggling with Postpartum Depression.

I have a very long history of depression and anxiety. I am very familiar with those feelings and emotions and how I deal with them, but for some reason, I didn't understand, or I didn't realize what I was feeling right now. I don't know if it was because I am so busy cleaning, doing laundry and consoling crying children that I didn't realize what I was feeling, or if I really did just assume that it was part of the big change. I am shocked that I didn't recognize these feelings.

Postpartum Depression is different than what I know as depression. I have never once wanted to hurt my children and I can realize that they aren't the ones making me feel sad. In fact, they make me smile even at my lowest low. Postpartum depression to me has really torn me down. It has made me feel worthless, tired and sad. I feel as though no matter how clean the house is or how happy the children are, it is just not enough. I always feel as though I need to do more. I have extreme anxiety that has hindered me in doing a lot of things that I would have loved to do. But the pounding heart and the racing thoughts have really prevented me from living my life the way I want to live it. Postpartum Depression makes me hard on myself. Really hard on myself. I have really struggled losing weight since Benson was born and it has taken such a toll on me that I just don't go out sometimes. I would rather stay at home in my sweats hiding because I don't think that I could handle the judgement of how I look. I even found it a blessing that my children both got colds so that we were forced to hide out at home for the past several weeks. But then I get sad because I am at home and go days without an adult conversation, except with my husband, because I haven't really made friends here. I'm picky about friends, and so maybe it's my fault, but I can't help but to wonder, what's so wrong with me that I don't have friends?

I feel surrounded by perfect mom's who are fitting back into their size 2 jeans a week after having a baby. Their hair is gorgeous, their makeup is glamorous and their baby is dressed in the latest and greatest fashions. I feel like a whale, with boring hair and like a mess. I honestly have never felt more unattractive in my life. These mom's post professional pictures of their children daily or have them as brand reps for one of the thousands of Etsy stores, so they are always dressed perfectly. Although I know without a doubt that my children are amazing and beautiful, I felt like I wasn't being a good mom because I didn't have the connections that these other moms did and couldn't give my children those opportunities. We live on a budget. That's just our life right now, so I don't spend hundreds of dollars on my children's clothes. Kids grow way to fast to spend a lot of their clothes. I was sad because people I know post about how their friends came over and brought treats or dinners or just came over to talk without expectation and just out of the blue because they really cared about their friends, and I don't have that. Honestly, when I had Benson, our Relief Society at church didn't even bring dinners (which is the norm not an unrealistic expectation) or acknowledge that I even had a baby. Why? Why does it seem as though people just don't care about me? I try really hard to go out of my way for others, so why wasn't I having those actions returned?

I feel so alone and misunderstood and not cared about at all.

How ridiculous is that? Why am I getting so upset about other people's blessings? That's messed up. That's not okay. I know that I have a life that somewhere out there someone would die for. I know that and I realize that, but Postpartum Depression really brings out the worst side of me in every possible way. I hate that. I absolutely hate it.

So what am I doing about it? How am I dealing with Postpartum Depression? I'm pushing myself to focus on my blessings in my life. I am keeping a journal at night in which I write about the things I was most thankful for during the day. I have been actively exercising, which isn't easy with two little crazies running and rolling around, but it does make me feel better. I have been trying to limit my time on social media. I have been trying to appreciate others and to compliment others and to build others up around me. I have been turning the TV off more and playing with Aniston as much as possible. I have been focusing on the little accomplishments that I have daily instead of measuring myself against other moms.

Depression is a tough thing to deal with. I should know. It has been a part of my life for 15 years. That's more than half my life. It's hard, it's degrading, it's tormenting, it's awful and it breaks my heart daily. But no matter how many PD tears I cry, if this is one of my toughest trials in life, I will take it over so many other trials I could have been dealt. I know that someday I will look back and realize a lesson I have learned from this trial, or maybe I will be able to someday help someone else who is struggling with Postpartum Depression. I know that I really need to focus on myself and my family as much as possible, but then I feel selfish and that brings me down all over again. Postpartum Depression really is evident in every aspect of my life, and effects more than I would care for.

I am blessed and I know that. And I also know that with a lot of work that someday I will beat this and I will be happy. I want to be happy and I can be happy. And where there's a will, there is a way. I just need to find my way.

DAY 1251... Blessing Benson

When I was pregnant with Aniston, Spencer and I both knew that we were having a girl before the doctor confirmed it. Even though we had decided that we would be super satisfied with several boys and no girls, Heavenly Father had a different idea. As we left the store in the mall where we had the gender ultrasound done (yes, these places do exist) I told Spencer I needed to tell him something. I was terrified at this point to tell my husband of only 5 months what I was feeling. Would he think I'm crazy? Would he laugh? I looked at him and said, "I am excited to have a little girl, but when the ultrasound tech said it was a girl, I had an overwhelming feeling that there is a little boy waiting to come to our family." To my surprise, Spencer said that he had the said feeling. Fast forward 3 years later, and here we are, blessing that little boy.

 It was an insane weekend! Not only did I turn 29 (what?!?!) on Saturday, but we had family coming into town and just preparing for the blessing and luncheon afterwards was just super busy. We have a tradition of doing a soup bar after the blessing, tradition in my world means that it has happened once before, which is perfect and simple and everyone just loves it! It was also perfect for the first day of February when you live in Rexburg and it's freezing! ALL - THE - TIME!

We were extremely blessed to be able to have both my parents and Spencer's parents here for the blessing. Spencer's BFF from Utah was also able to come up. 

Special occasions are always better when family is involved! I was bummed that my sister and her family couldn't be here, but she had crocheted a white blanket for Aniston to use when she was blessed, so we used it for Benson also so that we could have a piece of her with us on Benson's special day.

Spencer gave Benson a beautiful blessing and told me afterwards that Benson was smiling the entire time. Blessings are always a little scary because I'm always worried that Spencer is going to change the name on me. But he never does. He's a good man. I kind of love that. Besides Aniston being completely exhausted... Right before sacrament meeting ended she yelled, crying, "Mom, I'm just so tired!" This is her new thing. Whenever she notices that she keeps making bad choices she tells me she is tired and needs to lie down. I don't mind this. At least she understands it. She is becoming more and more like me every day! But it was pretty hilarious when it happened. There are very few children in our ward, so it's always an adventure with Aniston every week not knowing what she is going to say or do in order to entertain the young married couples who surround us.

My friend sews these adorable blessing outfits and I knew as soon as I was having a little boy that we needed one of her outfits for his blessing day. It did not disappoint. Benson looked adorable and perfect! You can find her Etsy shop here. Seriously, the outfit was PERFECTION!

It was such an amazing weekend! I am so in love with my little family and the blessings they offer me on a daily basis. It's not easy being a parent, and every single day I fail somehow. But children are so forgiving and mine are especially helpful at helping me feel loved and appreciated and they really just make my world! 

Congrats Benson Richard on your special day!