Friday, May 8, 2015

DAY 1346... Hello, My Name Is Mom

With Mother's Day headed our way this weekend, I really wanted to write down some of my thoughts about motherhood.

It is THE BEST blessing, and it is THE HARDEST blessing.

But I love it!

As a Mom, we struggle with so many emotions, most of the time they are completely uncontrollable! Super fun. We never get to have a vacation from being a Mom. Once you're a mom, you are always a mom. Whether or not your kids want to admit it, they will always need their mom. You are a mom when things are great, you are a mom when things suck, you are a mom when you don't feel well, you are a mom always even if your child is taken from this world, you are still a Mom. You don't get to pick and choose in what situations you want to be a mom. You are a mom when you're kid is screaming at the grocery store because you won't buy them candy. You are a mom when your kid is literally barfing into your hands in a completely full restaurant. You are a mom when you are feeling depressed and sad. You are a mom when you try to console your child after being hurt and they don't understand why they are hurting. You are a mom when you hold that baby for the very first time and you feel love that you never even knew existed. You are a mom when you tuck that little human into bed at night and before you turn the light off they say, "I love you mom." You are a mom in the best of times and the worst of times. That may be the most challenging thing about motherhood, but also the best. You never get to throw your hands up and walk away. And although there may be times that you want to do that, deep down you don't. There is absolutely nothing that you wouldn't do for your children. It's truly an amazing love.

Being a Mom means you don't own any white shirts. Seriously, I should probably change my clothes like 3 times a day at least, but there's no time for that much laundry and that many wardrobe changes. And although I really do long for a nice crisp white shirt, I treasure those chocolate covered hand hugs and macaroni mouth kisses more than a white shirt. Being a Mom means that you always put someone else in front of your own needs and wants. I seriously would rather buy my kids clothes and toys than anything for myself. This gets tricky sometimes because it's so important to find time for yourself. But Mom's really don't want to. Even when we are away from our kids they are all we really think about. Being a Mom means that you don't ever sleep. When your kids are coughing the night away, or want to go to the park during nap time, you just do it. You lay awake at night listening to them breathe, or in my case snore. You check on your child several times at night to make sure they are okay. You want your kids to be happy and their happiness is everything to you. I have really forgotten what it is to be well rested. Even when my parents take the kids for a night I don't sleep well. I'm up worrying about them and thinking about them and hoping that they are okay. Being a Mom means that you have every episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse memorized as well as numerous other children TV shows, and boy are there some weird ones. It means that you spend your free time watching Disney movies (which I'm totally okay with) because you forget to turn the TV off during nap time there's so much else that needs to be done.

It's sad, but I really come to appreciate my mom more and more the older I become and the more children I have. I only have 2 kids and I feel completely overwhelmed and scared at times, but she had 5 kids! And my sister and I are less than a year apart. That's insane! She is such a good mom too. I know there must have been times where she hated the world and didn't feel like being a mom, but that never stopped her. She was diligent in her mom duties at all times. I never felt like she didn't care. In fact I felt like she cared too much sometimes. now I know there is no such thing. But the older I become and the more kids I have, the more I realize how amazing she is. I am so lucky to have such an amazing example in my life.

Being a good mom doesn't mean your house is clean, the laundry is done, your kids are dressed to perfection as well as your self. It doesn't mean that you had time for a shower that day or that you can buy the most expensive clothes for your kids. Being a good mom doesn't mean every night you whip up some amazing Pinterest inspired dinner for your family or that you were able to sew your children matching outfits from your curtains. Being a good mom isn't dependent upon whether you use cloth diapers or whether you use disposable diapers. Being a good mom simply means that your kids are happy. And if that means that they are covered from head to toe in mud because that's what made them happy for that day, it is what it is.

My wish for this Mother's Day is that we stop judging one another and that we stop comparing ourselves to other Mom's. Every situation is different. What works for one Mom doesn't always work for another. Who are we to tell another Mom how they must do things? Every child is different and everyone lives a different life. Let's be a little more kind and a lot more loving this year. Let's uplift one another and learn to live our own lives the way that works for us. Let's remember that there are Mom's out there that physically do not have their children with them today. Let's remember that there are Mom's out there who are facing the trial of their lives in getting their children here in their arms. Let's be sensitive to the fact that being a mother is a HUGE blessing and that just because some of us have been blessed with children, that doesn't make us any better women than those who can't. It has always been my opinion that our Heavenly Father saves the toughest trials for the toughest of his children, and in my opinion, infertility issues have to be one of the hardest trials ever. Heavenly Father knew I am weak and couldn't handle such a trial, but I am blessed in my life to know and be surrounded by so many women who do face this trial. I feel lucky to be surrounded by some of our Heavenly Father's strongest. 

I know I am blessed and feel blessed every time I look at Aniston and Benson. They are part of me and make me want to be a better person every single day. I am so lucky to be their Mom!


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