DAY 1225... Ch-Ch-Changes

I have always been fairly happy being a working mom. I got my job in Rexburg when Aniston was only 10 days old, so I have really never been a full time mom. To make matters worse, I have never really been a full time wife either. Work has always held me back in those regards and that's been really hard for me to accept.

A year and a half ago, I quit coaching to have more family time. It was something that I loved doing, something I think I was good at, and it was something I did for me. But in the long run, it turned out that my hobby of coaching was taking so much time away from my family and was becoming a problem especially in my marriage. Between practices, 3-4 games a week and competitions, I wasn't really at home as much as I should have been and even when I was home, I was constantly distracted. Quitting was really hard for me and I still miss it all the time. But I know without a doubt that that was the right decision for me to make in order to better my personal life.

After having Benson, 6 weeks ago today, I had a desire to stay at home with my kids instead of working. Of course, it wasn't even an option. Spencer is in school and I needed to work in order to provide for our family.

Then a miracle happened.

Spencer was offered an internship in Rigby, a close city, that pays well and fulfills 1 of his 2 required internships. After crunching the numbers we realized that he would be making more than I was and that we could consider some changes in our life. Once again, I was faced with a HUGE decision. For me, my job wasn't just about making money. My friends were at work, I loved my job, it was such a blessing to have a job like that. I was worried that if I quit my job I wouldn't have any friends. I worried that I would go days without adult contact. I was worried that I would stay in my sweat pants all day. I was worried that I was not a good enough mother to do it full time.

I spent the past couple of weeks really considering my options and thinking about what to do. I looked into child care options, but for what I wanted it basically would take a ton of money. I realized that I would rather stay at home with my children, then work and pay someone else a majority of my paycheck to watch my kids. That wasn't something I wanted to do. If something ever happened to my kids when I choose to be at work when I could've been with them, I would never forgive myself.

Yesterday, I decided I would rather be a stay at home mom than a working mom. For the remainder of the school year I will continue to do the paperwork side of the program, but that can be easily done from home.

This is such a huge change in my life that I feel so overwhelmed and scared. I'm definitely excited. I'm excited to be able to have dinner ready for Spencer when he comes home from work and to have him walk into a clean house. I'm excited to never miss a moment with my babies and to be able to get to know them even better. Work provided a wonderful opportunity for my little family. It was the perfect job for the past 2 1/2 years, but my family has changed and evolved, and so life is changing and evolving.

I feel very blessed to have this opportunity to stay at home because I know not every mom has this opportunity. I'm blessed to have a husband who feels that me staying at home is important enough that he is making it possible for me to stay at home. I am flattered that he considers me a good enough mom to take on this adventure, and that faith in me really inspires me to be the best mom that I can possibly be. I know that staying at home will be one of the biggest challenges that I have ever had in my life. I like to be accountable and I like to see my work praised, and that's why I liked to work. But I know that raising children with good values and under my own care will be the greatest work that I will ever do.